Prepare the Next Generation
The Story
Ever since his children were born in 1995 and 1998, Stephen has tried to live by a couple of rules as a father.
For starters, all his children know Rule #1 – Don’t Die. There’s no coming back from that!
The second rule is, allow children to build spark and limit things that extinguish spark. It’s easy to tell when a child feels spark: their eyes get wider, they smile, and they get focused and determined. They might even get a little mischievous. Stephen believes that when children feel passionately about something, and it is fostered, they will grow into individuals who are motivated to make their mark on the world.
One of the best ways to build spark in a child, he finds, is allowing them to cause “good trouble.” When children are free to be slightly mischievous, it gives them opportunities to learn, and encourages curiosity and exploration. If a child finds an area they want to explore while out on a hike, for instance, let them explore it. They might discover something that interests them.
He also believes that it’s important to let children do things for themselves. When a child is given opportunities to do things independently, it gives them confidence – but it also teaches them how to face setbacks, which in turn instills a sense of pride for overcoming obstacles.
Every parent, including Stephen, finds it difficult to watch their children struggle. A parent’s instinct is always to help their child. But as a father, he has found that teaching them how to overcome adversity, at a young age, is one of the best lessons a parent can give their child. He believes that it builds resiliency – a skill they will need throughout their entire lives, both professionally and personally.
The Impact
Now that they are grown, Stephen is beginning to have a clearer sense of the impact he has made on his children. They have now discovered who they are, and how they want to make their own mark on the world.
His son, Adam, has a variety of interests and is very entrepreneurial. Like Stephen, Adam pursues business ventures and opportunities he feels passionately about. In college he was a firefighter, and started a company around firefighting which he sold in his senior year. Just recently, he got accepted into Y Combinator for a business he’s starting up with a friend from high school.
Stephen’s daughter, Abby, studied computer science at Northwestern University, and currently works at McKinsey and Company. While she has followed a more traditional path, Stephen sees a lot of himself in her – particularly because she is always open to new adventures and experiences.
While he always encouraged his children to pursue their passions, Stephen has also tried to teach them the importance of weighing their decisions carefully and considering all angles – including whether they would regret not doing something. He is a big believer in the “regret minimization framework”: when someone is 100-years-old, sitting in a rocking chair on their porch looking back over their life, what will they be most proud of themselves for doing – even if it failed?